What Makes a Sapphire a Sapphire?
by Nardragon
Summary: Jester's mind has been pondering things. Some pretty big things. Back in Nicodrans now is the perfect opportunity to get advice from the wisest person she knows. Her mother. (No one tell the Traveller or Beau she thinks that. They might be offended.) Or Jester might be questioning and her mom has been through this. Right?


"No, no, don't ask-"

The shrill, hard discord broke the air. In a radius around a weathered tortle there was an instant outcry of disapproval.

"Orly, damn it, we asked you to only do that during storms!" One of the deckhands from the Ball Eater threw some peanuts from the bar at him. Orly chuckled, brushing off of the offending nuts.

"I w-w-won't turn down a request when asked,"

Bluud, for what it was worth, looked very regretful he'd asked. On the other hand, Caduceus' eyes shone like gems just before the magical energy of a spell flowed through them.

"I'd forgotten we knew a musician," His smile growing as he fished in the canvas satchel attached to his belt, pulling out the skull flute he'd acquired weeks back, "I'd been trying to figure this," He presented it to Orly, "Through trial and error so far. Maybe you could help me with it,"

"C-can't say I'm familiar with this p-p-particular instrument,"

"Oh. It's a wind instrument also," He nodded to Orly's shell, "Like your pipes there,"

"Ah. S-Show me what you got then,"

"Wait, Cad, maybe not in the-" Beau's protests were drowned out by the ungodly shrill that spiked through the bar of the Lavish Chateau. "Alright," She blinked, sitting back with a sigh. She knocked back the rest of her drink, "If he's going to practice that thing, I'm going for walk. Who's coming with?"

"Ja," Caleb stood, "Maybe this walk could go past a bookstore?"

Beau made a sound that could have been a snort but it definitely wasn't a no.

"Wait for me," Nott said.

"Actually, I think I'll stay," Yasha was pulling out her own instrument. Beau threw a 'good luck' in her direction.

"Yes, a walk sounds grand," Fjord said, standing and looking at Marion, his expression getting sheepish, "I'm sorry, about… this," He gestured vaguely at Orly and Caduceus.

Marion looked as disconcerted as anyone else in the room, but her practised smile warmed her expression easily, "No, no. Practice makes perfect, as they say,"

"I don't think I want to know what perfect sounds like for that," Nott muttered to Caleb.

"Jester, are you coming?" Beau asked.

"Oh," The question pulled Jester halfway out of her seat. A gut reaction to join her friends, but she paused. Her tail flickered under the edge of her chair as she sat back down. Marion's attention was drawn in by the motion. It was a peculiar thing and something she hadn't seen in years. An old habit she believed Jester had quit long before she'd left home. Or maybe Jester had just learned how to hide it from her. What an unsettling thought.

"No, I want to catch up with my mom,"

"Okay," Beau said easily, turning away too quickly for most to see the seed of disappointment blooming in her eyes.

"Jester," Marion hummed, still silently pondering Jester's tail, a fidgeting mess under the chair "We can talk later. Go with your friends if you wish,"

She shook her head as she looked at her mother, "No. I missed you, so much,"

Marion's talent for reading between the lines told her that Jester's statement while the truth wasn't the whole truth.

"Well," Marion's fondness made her words softer, "I won't turn down an afternoon with my sapphire,"

"Could we have some tea? Like we used too?" Jester asked, eyes wide with the questions.

"Of course, love," Another shrill from Caduceus rattled the bottles on the table, "In my room?"

"Please," Jester nodded, rising instantly. She took the steps two at a time. Marion followed behind with a slower gait, drinking in the sight of Jester. It seemed every time she saw her, there was something new to Jester. Not just in the change of her clothes, or new jewels hanging from her horns, but there was that too. No, it was in the way Jester moved, the way her eyes looked.

This time, more than any other, she looked weary. Most couldn't tell, what with the way she rambled through six different conversations in as many minutes or the way her steps lifted several inches more than necessary as she led the way Marion's quarters. But Marion knew, her Jester had been through so much. She was torn between asking for more information than Jester and her friends had offered and wanting to stay in blissful ignorance of the dangers that had marred her daughter's vision.

From what she'd gathered, a political meeting gone wrong had ended in a quick departure from the Empire. Then a trip to an island for a gathering of Jester's… peers had become dramatic when a volcano on the island erupted. Plus whatever had happened on the return to Nicodranas made the Mighty Nein treat their crew to a day of drinks, which is how they'd all ended up in the Chateau in the first place.

As their tea was brought to them Jester started to speak in more detail about their time on the island. She breathlessly launched from one story to the next, "Oh my gosh, mama the Traveller has so many followers. He's like super popular, like I always knew. You should have seen them all …"

Marion listened, enraptured. Even for her, with her years of schooling emotions, it was still difficult to hide her concern as Jester continued into some of the conflicts they'd faced. "...But no one was hurt too badly. And only one person lost an eye. She looks much cooler now with an eye patch so it was a win-win really,"

Finally, after Jester's tea, only half-drunk, started to go cold did the stream of words slow. A beat of silence. A sip of cool tea. And Jester taking a breath, just before meeting her eyes with Marion's. Just like when she was a child and she wanted extra dessert. Though, now her eyes weren't shining with the same hungry happiness that came when Jester's mind was occupied with pastries. It was confusion Marion saw in them. And maybe, darkness tinged with fear.

"Mama…"

"What is it, dear?"

Jester's tail was wrapped around the back of her chair and Marion knew something was weighing on her mind.

"Jester, my love, I can see the question in your eyes,"

"It's," Jester shook her head, "It's going to sound rude,"

Marion chuckled, "Jester, you're not a child anymore. You can be frank with me,"

"Well… you've been with a lot of people, right?"

Marion froze, taking a moment to process the statement. She could have asked for clarification. But really, she didn't need to. What else could Jester be asking about?

"Jester, you know the answer to that already,"

"No, no," Jester's face flushed and her eyes darted down away her mother's. She fixed her cup of tea, turning it so the handle was facing inwards, then outward again, "I don't mean like – well, maybe I do mean like that. But not like that. Not in the way where it's just…" She groaned.

"Is this concerning that man you think is your father?"

"No!" Jester almost snapped. She instantly covered her mouth. "I yelled that. I didn't mean to,"

"It's alright," Marion smiled, sitting closer to the edge of the chair so she could lay her hand over Jester's knee. "Take a breath for me. Say what's on your mind. Something has been weighing on you since you've been here. Maybe longer,"

Listening to her mother's words, Jester closed her eyes. Her chest rose and fell as she filled her lungs.

"There we go,"

"I know love isn't involved with your clients. But you talked about… how people come to you for the comfort you can give them,"

"One of the reasons, yes," Marion said slowly. This was far from anything Jester didn't already know. She'd always been careful, wanting Jester to understand what she did. To hear it from her, so the world didn't press its own judgements onto Jester.

"And you said you don't take any suitors who you don't feel comfortable with,"

"Yes?" Marion's mind was failing to puzzle what was at the core of Jester's questions. There was something. But she didn't have the key she needed to unlock the picture.

"It's not love but do you think, in another world or time or place, that that comfort could turn into love?"

She sat back, searching her daughter's face. Where was Jester going with this? What did she want? If Marion couldn't figure out the right answer, she could only give an honest one.

"Maybe," She nodded once, "In another world,"

"Could it be love with any of them?"

"Jester," Marion's discomfort with the question bubbled out as a strangled laugh, "That's…"

"Mama, I just… I need to know,"

"If I could have fallen in love with anyone I've been with?"

Jester nodded, biting her bottom lip.

"If we're talking another life, I suppose. Not everyone I've been with would have found my fancy, but giving time and the right chance, I suppose yes. "

"Any of them?"

"Jester," She was a little annoyed and that came out in her voice.

"Not just the men?" And Jester's voice dipped to a soft rustle. Her tail was almost in knots and her eyes anywhere but Marion's.

Oh.

There was the key Marion was missing.

"Oh, my love," Marion sighed, smiling softly.

"I mean, I know women have seen you. And people who aren't men or women. I know there are people who love like that. I just wasn't sure if you were… I'm sorry if this is too much,"

"Jester, my sapphire, look at me, please,"

Jester shook her head no, her hands worrying at the edges of her sleeves. Marion gently pried her hands apart, holding both of Jester's hands between her own.

"Jester, when I say I take clients who I'm comfortable with I mean in every aspect. It's not just that they're not rude or overly possessive. I have to be comfortable with them in every way. If I weren't, I wouldn't share myself with them. If I were only comfortable with sharing myself with men then I'd only take men as suitors,"

"So you could love a woman?"

Marion smiled at her daughter, her eyes a little sad. "Yes, I could. Attraction for me has always felt inconsequential of someone's gender. But my sweet Jester, are you asking for me? Or are you asking for yourself?"

"What? Mama, no," Jester snorted, making a show of waving her arms.

Marion arched a brow, making Jester blush.

"You can't tell anyone," Jester whispered.

"Of course not." She cupped Jester's cheek. "Is it Yasha?" Jester's cheeks bloomed twin blushing hues. "Or Beauregard?" And Jester gave a little squeak at her mother's question. "I see," Marion said evenly after a beat had passed.

"I just… I don't know what I'm feeling. I've always liked boys. Or I thought I did. With Fjord, he was so easy to like. Is so easy to like?" Jester groaned and dropped her face into her hands, "I don't know. Mama, how do you know what you're feeling is love?"

"I don't have an easy answer for that. The only person who can feel your emotions is you. And even if you haven't figured out how to puzzle out those feelings yet that's okay. But you should trust yourself. You're a tremendous detective after all. You'll get to the bottom of this with no issues,"

Jester giggled, "Mama, I'm being serious here,"

"So am I," She brushed back some of Jester's hair, "I have experience with attraction. With desire. With relations. But, my heart hasn't felt much of love. Romantic love that is. I have enough love to overflow from you,"

"Mama," Jester looked both chagrined at Marion downplaying her knowledge and buoyant at the praise.

"But, what I know," Marion continued, "Is what you feel should never be discounted. Jester, you love with everything you have. I have no doubt that's why your Traveller chose you. Don't doubt your capacity to love anyone in any way. If they are your feelings then they are real,"

Blinking quickly Jester laughed and took her mother's hand from her cheek, deflecting the weight of Marion's words with a joyful snort, "Mom, I didn't say anything about love,"

Marion smile. It was a lie. Even if the word hadn't fallen from Jester's lips in her panicked rush, it was lingering there. In the colour of her cheeks. In her eyes, shining with fear and hope. Maybe it was too soon to name it love. But it was there, blooming in Jester's chest.

"Of course not my little sapphire. No one said anything about love,"

"How did you know? That you didn't just like guys,"

"I pondered. For a while in my youth. But eventually, I understood myself. I found myself and with that contentment. It will come for you,"

Jester sighed, picking up a chocolate and nibbling just from the edges of it. It reminded Marion so much of Jester in her childhood she just sat back in silent revel of the moment. She always knew her Jester would grow, but watching it happen before her eyes, it felt all too soon. It was selfish to want her little girl back. But she could be selfish for a few moments. Only a few because as terrifying of a notion of Jester coming into her own in so many ways was, nothing made her prouder than watching the woman she was becoming.

"Tell me, when did it start?" Marion asked, leaning back to settle in for what was sure to be a tale.

"I don't know. One day I just realized I was doing things differently, or having thoughts I didn't before,"

Marion's quiet gaze gently prodded Jester for more.

"Okay, well… like, I used to worry about what Fjord thought about me. Sometimes I still do, but not in the same way. We know each other better now. But it was things like 'Did he think I looked good in that fight?' 'Did he see me squash that swamp gator?' 'Was my healing enough for him?' 'Does he think my healing was enough?' you know like that,"

"I believe I follow,"

"And when we got to know each more, I stopped worrying about those things as much. Like I know he won't feel bad if I couldn't heal him because I was blind in a darkness cloud or he wouldn't judge if my lollipop missed because those things happen. But with Beau, it's not like that,"

"So it is Beauregard,"

"I mean, maybe. A little bit," Jester's shoulder swung slightly as she tried to cover her blush with a cough.

"You and Fjord have grown to know and trust each other in battle,"

"Not just in battle,"

"But you and Beau haven't fostered that same trust?"

Jester shook her head, "Mama, it was just the opposite with Beau. I trusted her almost instantly. Like when we stay in inns we share a room so we talk a lot. And in battles, it's always been easy to guess what's she's going to do and I'd try to help her. Like I'd Guiding Bolt a dude and show her the best place to aim or she'd stun someone and that would make it easier to hit them. And even though she knows I'm super powerful I only have so much magic and sometimes it feels smarter to attack than heal,"

"But…"

Jester sighed, "But, lately, even when I tell myself that I still think about that stuff like I used to with Fjord. Like there was this worm. It was huge and its blood would burn, like really badly. She got knocked out and it was going to eat her. It almost did too! It pulled her underground. Fjord and Celeb grabbed the worm at the last moment. But I didn't know if I should try to kill the worm or heal her. What if I didn't kill the worm and it attacked her again and she died? But if I did heal her and she still got attacked? I got so scared I almost didn't do anything. There was another time too she almost died. We were fighting a stupid demon and Yasha killed him, but then he turned into this giant oozy monster. And Beau, I saw the light leaving her eyes. But I couldn't heal her. I could have. But it was my last spell mama and if she got more hurt or someone else died and I couldn't bring them back,"

Marion's heart constricted. How many times had Jester and her friends found themselves in near-death experiences?

"Are you scared of her dying?"

"Yes! Of course I am. Even before. But it feels worse now. I know even if she does, if I can get to her in time I can bring her back. And anyone I care for dying scares me. But when it's the others I'm more scared if I'm too slow. But Beau, just her dying scares me,"

"A friend dying would scare anyone,"

"Well, there's something else too,"

Marion arched a brow, "And?" She prodded.

"Okay, so we met this girl. Her name was Reni and she was basically a superhero. And she had gorgeous eyes, and skin, and a halo. And we almost died to a dragon with her," Marion's eyes widen, "I mean, no, we got a little injured, but that dragon was no match for all of us. We had it running scared. But then after everything she gave Beau a flower and Beau kissed her. When she did, I felt, weird. Beau's kissed other girls before. There was Keg. She told me about this one lady she was with when I was… separated from the group. And I bet there have been girls I don't know about. I didn't feel weird about those. But I guess I just knew about them. I didn't see her with them really,"

"Seeing Beau with this Reani made you jealous,"

"I wasn't jealous. But my stomach was weird and I felt like I shouldn't look because a first kiss should be a private moment but I didn't want to look away either. It felt weird to be in the room with them after they kissed, but it was weirder when they left and Beau didn't come back to the room that night. Maybe I was a little upset Beau didn't tell me where she was going or when she was coming back. But only because I was worried about her getting attacked and what if we weren't there. What if she got knocked out and me or Caduceus weren't there to heal. Oh gosh, Mama, is that being jealous?"

"It sounds a little like it,"

Jester clapped her hands against her cheeks, "Oh no. I don't want to be jealous,"

"Jester,"

"What if Beau found out? She's going to think I'm an asshole for being jealous,"

"Jester, dear,"

"No one likes anyone who's jealous,"

"Jester," Marion pulled Jester's hands away from her face to get her attention, "It's okay,"

"It is?"

"It's okay to feel jealous. It's an emotion and those are a part of life,"

"But… we stopped Algar because he was jealous of your other suitors,"

Marion nodded, "And he was threatening them. Negative emotions exist to help us. Anger helps us understand when we've been wronged. Loneliness can make us strive to take away the pain from ourselves or others. Jealousy lets us know it's okay to want for more. They become bad when we let those emotions fuel our thoughts and actions to harm others. Wanting cake isn't wrong. Taking it out of the hands of a hungry child is. It's okay to feel this Jester. But don't let it bring pain to anyone,"

Jester's eyes went wide, "No! I wouldn't hurt Reani. She's my friend. And she's really cool. Mama, she can turn into a wolf and an owl. I mean I can do that too, but when she does it, she's still smart,"

"I'm going to assume that's something to do with magic,"

"Yeah. I don't really understand it. Caleb explained she has a spell, but it's not really a spell. Its magic she has that we can't get unless we're like her. But I don't know why. The Traveller is super powerful and he can do anything he wants, like make me a super cool, smart owl that can carry Beau around," Jester gasped suddenly, "That's not the wrong kind of jealousy, is it?"

Marion chuckled, "Everyone has fantasies, that's more than okay,"

"Okay good," She relaxed, slumping back in her chair, "Mama, thank you for listening,"

"Of course, my little sapphire. Anything for you,"

"I'm still not sure about everything, but I'm not scared anymore,"

"And that is perfectly fine. Don't rush yourself to figure this out for anyone but yourself,"

Jester surged off her seat to envelop her mother in a fierce hug. Marion chuckled, rubbing a hand between Jester's shoulders.

"I love you and I'm so proud of the person you've become," Marion kissed Jester's brow.

"I love you too, mama,"

There was a knock at the door and after a curious glance Jester bounced over to open it.

"Hi," Caduceus' easy smile greeted them on the other side, "Oh right, you were having tea. How is it?"

Yasha was just behind him and poked his shoulder pointedly.

"Oh, yeah. We came here because of a thing,"

"What's up?"

"This guy showed up a couple minutes ago," Caduceus held up Frumpkin, who mewled in Jester's face, "And he had this tied to him," He held up a note next. Jester took the note as Caduceus continued to explain, "Seems like there was some sort of commotion by the Wharf Load. Someone said something. Nott may have bit someone. Beau definitely punched someone and Zolezzo got involved. So now…"

"They're in jail!" Jester exclaimed.

"In a holding cell," Caduceus corrected.

"They got in a fight without us!"

"Yes, it would seem so,"

"We need to go now! What if they need healing?" She grabbed Caduceus' arm, tugging him down the stairs.

"Caleb's note said they were fine," He tried to calm her.

"He said that! But what if he lied! What if they're not!"

"Are those the questions Fjord and Beau were explaining to me? Where I don't have to answer?"

Yasha looked between Jester and Caduceus and Marion. She gave an awkward wave before following her friends down the stairs.

"Jester," Marion called, catching Jester at the landing on the floor below.

"Yeah?" She was stepping in place, too eager to leave.

"Ask Bluud to go with you. He's friends with many of the Zolezzo. He can help you smooth things over,"

"That's a great idea!" And she was off again, shouting, "Bluud!"

Marion just heard Jester's excited, "And if we can't smooth things over, he can help us knock out all the guards," as they vanished down the stairs. She sighed as she listened to Jester and her friends rush out of the Chateau.

"Be safe, my little sapphire,"


End file.
